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Tuesday, 9 July 2013

A new beginning...

It wasn't as if I'd been unhappy in my job - I mean - who minds getting 'moolah' for a job that pays more for less and gives you all the flexibility you need. But then, there were things annoying me - these included:
. Getting more for less (sigh! the guilty conscience kept placing it's angelic halo on my head!)
. Being home - but at work. Seeing the kids, but getting the nannies to enjoy them.
. Boredom - just waiting for work to trickle in...
. Lack of job satisfaction - I call it - no pride, no fun.
. Escapism - yes, my job had become my route to escape the daily routine of essential chores I considered mundane - despite the fact that I had to deal with them in my so-called 'free-time'

And then there was this feeling that I was meant to do more... something else.... this was not my road to retirement... there has to be more! More fun. More joy. More life!

So after due contemplation - I decided to search for a purpose in life.Many things came to mind. Things I feel strongly about. Things that make me furious, that make me tear up with emotion, that make me want to dance with joy... so much! But - options where I can contribute, grow and gain the pleasures of the world at the same time...I have to still look at the viability of it all.

Fear - that was another element that plagued me. What if I quit and never find a purpose in my life or a job that fits my needs? What if my friends and family lose respect for me now that for a while - I might be just a housewife who spends but brings in nothing.

FALSE - I have realized over the years that the misnomer "Just a housewife" is probably the worst misnomer in history! There's no "just" about being a housewife - gosh! you've got to be a wife, friend, mum, caretaker, cook, cleaner, sounding board of the family and so much more... It's not just in any way to call a housewife 'just'a housewife. But still - there was the other side to it - not contributing monetarily, not engaging in business talks, not being able to contribute to anything beyond the four walls of the home. Would I be able to live with that?

The clear answer was "no"! So yes, I had to do something. However small, however insignificant in this world of bigger things - I have to do something. Step 1 would be to clear my head, give myself time and space and follow my dream... a dream that I've had since I was a teenager. A dream that I did not feel strongly about - simply due to the fear of failure. but a dream all the same...

For now - I have only put in my resignation.

This winter will see a new me - hopefully - a new and improved me :)
Wish me luck! :)